Into the Sunset

Jul 15

I painted over my son’s boyhood. With a dip and a roll, I watched with detached sorrow – as if I wasn’t the one doing it – and covered his childish fantasy with a fresh coat of paint. We stood in that exact spot, his father and I, only eight years ago with paint in hand and created a beautiful mural. A cowboy riding into the sunset.

Now it’s gone.

I stood back and took stock of what I’d done. Tears threatened. He was two then and loved cowboys. We decked his room with bandanas and horses. His bed was crafted into an old wagon, complete with red wheels. That, too, was now gone.

My child walked in, his ten-year-old frame almost as tall as me, and smiled. “Almost there,” he grinned. “Not quite,” I told him looking more at him than the wall.

My heart swelled and ached. Mothers have been raising children for thousands of years and survived. But not this mother. And not my child. I took my first-born’s face and pulled his nose to mine.

“Mama,” he squirmed. “Do you know how much I love you?” I insisted. He just smiled in return nodding between my cupped hands. I knew as he did it, that one day he’d give that smile away. Some sweet little girl would be the recipient of my son’s heart.

It’s the way of things. The ebb and flow, the giving and receiving – it’s the way God intended. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Gen. 2:24 ESV

“Hey, check it out! My old spurs!” I watched as my son clipped silver spurs to his high tops and ran out the door to find his sister.

Yes. A man shall leave his father and mother – just not today.

Lord, thank you for allowing me the privilege of raising my three children. As they grow, help me to accept the changes that take place. Prepare my heart for the day you have chosen for them to become one with another. Give me wisdom to always point them to You. Amen.

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  • Anonymous Jul 15 at 5:18 pm

    Now THAT made me cry! Wonderful, Carol I enjoyed that.
    Kristen Waters

  • Beth in NC Jul 16 at 12:58 am

    Well THANKS for making me cry!!! I just looked at bunk beds for my daughter. She will be 6 next month and is growing up way too fast.

    What a sweet son you have.

    I feel your pain … bless you.

  • Tänia Jul 16 at 2:13 am

    Wow… I am there with you, Momma's heart to Momma's heart, tears brimming. My son turned 30 years old this last month. THIRTY. Oh my… the transitions we have made over the years. Big hugs as you make those transitions in the future.

  • Stefanie Brown Jul 16 at 5:00 pm

    I can so relate… My one and only son turned 8 last week. Although he's still a little boy, his interests are not so "little" anymore. Gone are the days of the Wiggles. We've welcomed Ben 10 into our lives. Gone are the days of Baby Loony Tune characters dancing around his room. Now we have LEGO Star Wars and Indiana Jones. I love each stage he moves into, but miss each stage when left.
    Have a blessed day!

  • Carolyn Jul 17 at 4:40 am

    Ohhh Carol, I know the mumma heartache, my wee one has just last week gone into her big girls bed from her toddler bed & as I packed up the converted cot it was all I could do not to cry, I remember the day my dh made the cot for our firstborn more than 14 years ago & now my wee one was finished in it & we are packing it away for our final time. DD was so excited with her pink bed & princess canopy, but I share a twinge of sadness with you,
    I loved your prayer. 
    In His Joy,

  • Kimberly Jul 18 at 8:53 pm

    Oh, my. Talk about makin' a momma get all misty! 🙂

    And by the way, I have a 10 year old daughter. I'm not saying we arrange a marriage or anything…I'm just sayin' I wouldn't mind if the Lord worked anything like that out. 🙂

    Much love to you!

  • Angela talks Jul 19 at 7:02 pm

    So true, so true. I remember when my son was …, and now he's 17 about to be 18. Seems that time really does fly. Honestly, I don't remember a lot of the times, feels like I've been in a slumber.

    As to your profile pic and write up, lady. As soon as I saw your legs crossed with the boots I said, "Hummm, I see good ol' fashion personality there! Lots of character… someone who will make you laugh, and tell it to you straight!"

    So glad to have found your blog.

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