Holding On

“I’m falling, hold me,” my grandmother’s eyes were wide as she reached out her hands looking for something to grasp. “I’ve got you, Grandmother. I won’t let you fall,” I assured her. My pregnant swollen fingers wrapped around her wrinkled ones. I could feel her bones beneath the skin. As I held tight, I pulled up a chair next to her bed to sit for a while.

In the days leading up to my Grandmother’s Homecoming, she occasionally had the sinking feeling she was going to fall. Like a newborn baby’s Moro reflex, Grandmother would seem to startle and throw her arms out looking for someone or something to hold. We would grasp her hands or place our arms around the back of her shoulders with a firm grip until she would settle down again.

In between moments of calm and silence, she would have us rushing to her side when she shouted, “I’m falling! I’m falling!” Grandmother put to words what I often feel.

In the midst of motherhood and wifedom, there are moments where I throw back my arms and look for somewhere to cling. I want to shout, “I’m falling!” And in my heart, I do. Like Grandmother, my eyes are wide and sometimes look scared as I search for someone or somewhere to grab for stability.

During these times, I need to remember I, too, have a Loved One who will sit beside me. He will hold my hand and wrap His arms around the back of my shoulders for stability. My Savior is there for me when I need Him, if only I will recognize His presence.

Dear Lord,

I’ve felt like I’m falling. Help me to realize You are right beside me; you’ve pulled up a chair and stretched out your hand. Draw me closer. Let me feel Your loving embrace as You wrap Your arms around me. There are days when I sense the ground beneath me shaking. Pull me to a solid foundation in You. Open my eyes to Your presence and help me to hold on – hold on to You.

When the earth and all its people quake, it is I who hold its pillars firm. Psalm 75:3 NIV