Grace

“Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? 2 Samuel 7:18 NIV

One year ago today, things didn’t go as planned. I thought I would be giving birth to my third child early that morning, and I’d spend the rest of the day sitting around holding her while family and friends trickled in and out of my hospital room.

Not so.

I remember sitting in the labor room trying to catch a glimpse of my 9 ½ lb. baby just moments after her birth. But the nurses hovered over her small floppy body trying desperately to get her to cry and breathe to expel the fluid in her lungs.

She didn’t.

I think September 9, 2009 was the first time in my life I could not pray. I wanted to pray for my baby child. But all I could muster was, “Oh, God…Oh, God…” before I would shatter with tears.

Grace stayed ten days in the NICU while her lungs dried out and she learned to slow her breathing. I spent those days learning to slow mine, as well.

But today, my baby girl is 1. It is her birthday. And I can’t celebrate her birthday without thinking back to those first hard days of her life and praising God for bringing us through. When I look in those big brown eyes or kiss her baby fat cheeks, I wonder. What did I do to deserve this? Why me? Why did you choose to bless me, Lord? Of all the women you could have picked to be the mother of this precious child, You chose me. I am unworthy of such an honor.

She is an unmerited gift. Why did You pick me? She giggles and bounces on her chubby feet, holding on to my knees, smiling up at me with tiny white teeth peeking out of her gums.

And I understand.

She is Grace.