Foxes in Facebook

Nov 10

Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. Song of Solomon 2:15 NIV

It all starts so innocently. No one is supposed to get hurt. But you are faced with a decision. Nothing monumental. Just a simple request.

Add as friend…



Which do you choose? It’s been years since this person was in your life. You wonder what they are up to. Just out of curiosity, you slide the mouse over the blue box and click. It’s done. You are now friends again. You can open the window to their life and peek inside – just to see. Or can you?

The Facebook phenomenon is sweeping the nation. It’s not just teenagers or thirty-somethings logging in to Facebook; even the baby boomers are getting in on the action. This social network has been monumental in reconnecting old school mates and acquaintances otherwise forgotten. But ask any Facebooker and they will tell you of the old flames that have discovered them.

How is this affecting marriages? And is it wrong to befriend your long lost love?

Here are five steadfast rules to play it safe with Facebook.

1. Share your friend with your mate. It’s okay to accept a friend request from an old flame or friend, but be sure your spouse knows of this friendship. That just helps keep you accountable.

2. Know when to say when. If you find yourself looking forward to getting on Facebook just to find out information about a certain person or to leave messages for them, stop. Remove them from your friend list. This can be done easily, and they won’t even know you’ve done it.

3. Don’t build new bridges. While it’s fine to send a message to an old friend or flame letting them know what is going on in your life, it is NOT fine to continue to send messages back and forth on a regular basis. In doing so, you are building a new bridge to this person – a bridge perfect for “little foxes” to cross. Keep the foxes out!

4. Share information, not feelings. When communicating with this person, give them information about your life. Tell them about your spouse, your kids, and your job. Don’t share personal feelings. Don’t tell them you hate your job and you are unhappy in your marriage. You are opening the door for disaster to walk right in.

5. Make it obvious how you feel about your spouse. If you are sharing information about your life with this person, be sure to include information about your spouse. That lets the other person know how important your husband or wife is to you. It’s a great idea to use a picture of you and your mate as your profile picture. It screams, “I’m happy and married,” to all who see it.

Facebook is a wonderful way to reconnect with old friends, but be ware of its downfalls, as well. It’s easy to think you are impervious to the darts Satan flings. You are not. None of us are. Don’t allow the little foxes to get into your marriage because you are playing the comparison game. Everybody looks good on Facebook, but every one of them wakes up with bad breath in the morning. Protect the sanctity of your marriage by following these five simple rules; you’ll send the little foxes running.

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  • Bradley Nov 10 at 9:57 pm

    This is great blog Carol. Hard to read because of how true it is with Facebook. This is the verse I have been trying to find and use as a description for Facebook to my Christian friends and family. Glad you said it and now I can link them to your blog. Got one for Twitter? 🙂

  • Beth@Not a Bow in Sight Nov 11 at 1:51 am

    All great points. I found very few people on Facebook that I didn't already keep in touch with in real life!

  • Kimberly Nov 11 at 2:27 am

    Excellent advice, Carol!!!!
    I was so hesitant to even sign-up for Facebook…and now that I am on it, I want to be sure I am careful.

    K 🙂

  • Shay Nov 11 at 4:12 am

    amen! amen! amen! great advice!

  • Nel Nov 11 at 4:19 am

    Very good advice. Thanks for sharing!

  • LAURIE Nov 11 at 5:48 am

    Yes Carol, wonderful words of wisdom. The enemy is out to steal, kill and destroy and will use all avenues to do it! The biggest thing is accountability. My husband does not have facebook, but I openly share who I am talking with to him and I never ever accept a friend that I do not know intimately, or who I am not related to that is a male. never.

  • Paula Nov 11 at 10:52 am

    Great post Carol! "Marriage Junkie" posted this earlier in the year – (part 1 of 2) about how Facebook can be a threat to your marriage. A great read, just like your advice! Thanks!

  • Bee Jay Nov 11 at 12:45 pm

    Well written Carol. Forewarned is forearmed – isn't that an old saying.

  • Kelly Combs Nov 11 at 5:11 pm

    Amen, amen, amen! I personally know a gal whose husband hooked up with an x girlfreind and left her (AND 3 CHILDREN) on facebook. Not that he would have been honorable otherwise, but it certainly opened the door. Thanks for sharing the truth today.

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